The Stranger

Finally, the proportion of nearness and remotenesswhich gives the stranger the character of objectivity,also finds practical expression in the more abstractnature of the relation to him.

That is, with the strangerone has only certain more general qualities in common,whereas the relation to more organically connectedpersons is based on the commonness of specificdifferences from merely general features. In fact, allsomehow personal relations follow this scheme invarious patterns. They are determined not only by thecircumstance that certain common features exist amongthe individuals, along with individual differences,which either influence the relationship or remainoutside of it. For, the common features themselves arebasically determined in their effect upon the relation bythe question whether they exist only between theparticipants in this particular relationship, and thus arequite general in regard to this relation, but are specificand incomparable in regard to everything outside of it --or whether the participants feel that these features arecommon to them because they are common to a group,a type, or mankind in general. In the case of the second alternative, the effectiveness of the common featuresbecomes diluted in proportion to the size of the groupcomposed of members who are similar in this sense.Although the commonness functions as their unifyingbasis, it does not make these particular personsinterdependent on one another, because it could aseasily connect everyone of them with all kinds ofindividuals other than the members of his group. Thistoo, evidently, is a way in which a relationship includesboth nearness and distance at the same time: to theextent to which the common features are general, theyadd, to the warmth of the relation founded on them, anelement of coolness, a feeling of the contingency ofprecisely this relation -- the connecting forces have losttheir specific and centripetal character.

In the relation to the stranger, it seems to me, thisconstellation has an extraordinary and basicpreponderance over the individual elements that areexclusive with the particular relationship. The strangeris close to us, insofar as we feel between him andourselves common features of a national, social,occupational, or generally human, nature. He is farfrom us, insofar as these common features extendbeyond him or us, and connect us only because theyconnect a great many people.

A trace of strangeness in this sense easily enters eventhe most intimate relationships. In the stage of firstpassion, erotic relations strongly reject any thought ofgeneralization: the lovers think that there has neverbeen a love like theirs; that nothing can be comparedeither to the person loved or to the feelings for thatperson. An estrangement -- whether as cause or asconsequence it is difficult to decide usually comes atthe moment when this feeling of uniqueness vanishesfrom the relationship. A certain skepticism in regard toits value, in itself and for them, attaches to the verythought that in their relation, after all, they carry outonly a generally human destiny; that they experience anexperience that has occurred a thousand times before; that, had they not accidentally met their particularpartner, they would have found the same significance inanother person.

其實重點是最後一段，真是如詩般的經驗研究啊。